“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
We’ve all seen it. A group of people sitting together in public, each person on their own device. Perhaps they show each other a photo every now and again as they scroll through their social media or someone complains about an email that just came in from work. The scene is puzzling, but as we become more connected to our virtual worlds, there is a tendency to become disconnected from our physical, personal relationships. The consequences of being “alone together” can leave us feeling disoriented. If we spend time with people, why do we still feel lonely or like our friendships aren’t as rich as they could be? Mindfulness, the practice of purposefully paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way, has become a popular way to address a myriad of health, wellness, and social issues, from eating to anxiety to parenting. In the spirit of self-care, many of us seek to practice mindfulness in a yoga class or on a meditation cushion, with the hope that if we practice enough we might have an increase in our quality of life and feel a bit better day to day. But, as social beings, it makes sense to wonder how mindfulness might make its way off our cushion or mat and impact our social circles and community. Curious? Here are three simple ways you can practice being mindful to develop more meaningful, connected friendships.
- Be present!
One of the best ways you can foster more meaningful connections with friends is to be completely present during your time together. Many of us don’t realize how often we set our phone on the table during a meal and become distracted by texts or emails, even in the midst of a conversation with a loved one. Next time you get together, designate your hang-time as cellphone free. Leave your device at home, in your car, or tucked away where you won’t find yourself reaching for it. This one simple change can allow you to keep your mind engaged in the conversation – something your friend will surely appreciate.
- Try something new.
Stuck in a rut? Instead of meeting a friend at the same restaurant or brewery, try something different. Explore your city with a fresh perspective and no expectations of what you might find (a mindfulness practice called “beginner’s mind”). In the summer, pack a picnic and explore a park in a different neighborhood, take a board game to a patio, or grab a big blanket and look up at the stars from your backyard. During the colder months, check out the local BINGO hall (be sure to bring your good luck charm!), cook a new recipe together, or try an art or fitness class you’ve never been to. Trying new things together can foster fresh conversation, laughter, and creates memories to reflect on over the years.
- Practice compassion and kindness.
So often, friendships can fizzle when we become irritated by someone’s tendencies or natural characteristics. Instead, approach your friend’s personality and contributions from a place of curiosity – and then really listen to what they are saying. Leave judgment at the door. Our best relationships spring up when there is space for us to be exactly who we are, quirks, annoyances, and all. Instead of assuming anything about a friend you have known for a long time, ask questions. Think about what you might be able to learn from their individuality, their interests, and their history. Engaging in conversation with an air of curiosity often allows for a more meaningful and deeper connection.
By Shelly Annameier
After completing her undergraduate degree in Psychology, Shelly worked in higher education in Vermont and Colorado and taught English abroad in Chile. She enjoys working with families, couples, and individuals from all walks of life. Shelley completes her master degree in CSU’s Marriage and Family Therapy in May and will continue her studies in the Applied Developmental Sciences doctoral program this fall. Her research interests include eating disorders, mindfulness, and wilderness therapy. She spends her free time backpacking, listening to live music, hanging out with fuzzy dogs, and lingering over big cups of coffee.
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