You know that adage about laws and sausages: It is best not to see them being made.

But in a time of deep divisions, Republican Gov. Spencer Cox of Utah and Democratic Gov. Jared Polis of Colorado hope to render politics more palatable and effective by urging everyone to “disagree better.”

This year, Cox serves as chair and Polis as vice chair of the National Governors Association. During their leadership term, the two are reaching across the aisle and campaigning for conflict with civility. They will tout their preferred approach to compromise and problem solving during a visit to CSU on Nov. 15 as part of the university’s thematic year of Democracy and Civic Engagement.

“Our nation was founded by people who profoundly disagreed,” Polis notes in a video for the Disagree Better initiative.

Cox adds: “Conflict isn’t bad – it’s the way we disagree that matters.”

The governors offered these tips for constructive conflict, drawn from the 2021 book “Conflicted: How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes,” by Ian Leslie.

1. First, connect: Before getting to the content of the disagreement, establish a relationship of trust.
2. Let go of the rope: Give up trying to control what the other person thinks and feels.
3. Give face: Show respect; disagreements become toxic when they become status battles.
4. Check your weirdness: Behind many disagreements is a clash of cultures. Don’t assume yours is the normal one.
5. Get curious: The rush to judgement stops us from listening and learning. Instead of trying to win the argument, try to be interested – and interesting.
6. Make wrong strong: Mistakes can be positive if you apologize quickly and authentically. Acknowledging mistakes and misunderstandings enables you to show humility, which can strengthen the relationship and ease the conversation.
7. Disrupt the script: Hostile arguments get locked into simple and predictable patterns. To make the disagreement more productive, introduce novelty and variation. Be surprising.
8. Share constraints: Disagreement benefits from a set of agreed-upon norms and boundaries that support expression.
9. Only get mad on purpose: No amount of theorizing can fully prepare us for the emotional experience of a disagreement. Sometimes your worst adversary is yourself.
10. Golden rule – be real: Make an honest human connection.