Story by Stephanie Dalager of CSU’s Center for Family and Couple Therapy

With the presidential election less than two months away, politically charged conversations are a part of our daily life. These conversations often get heated because we feel passionate about issues we believe have a very real impact on our lives. While friendships and relationships need not follow partisan lines, ensuring that your relationships survive election season unscathed does require careful thought about how you approach political conversations.

Here are some tips for surviving election season while keeping your relationships intact.

1. When in doubt, don’t lead with politics

Debate-style political conversations may be a favorite activity with your close friends, but with acquaintances, co-workers, distant relatives or the clerk checking your tomatoes at the grocery store, leading with political content may be inappropriate. Before launching into the subject, ask, “Do you enjoy talking politics?” This gives the other person an out if they are uncomfortable with the topic or would rather not share their political leanings.

2. Always remember respect

Before going on a diatribe about your stance on the issues, take a moment to think about what makes you feel respected when you’re having a conversation. Respectful conversations have two crucial elements: speaking and listening. John and Julie Gottman, notable couples therapists and researchers, have defined four critical elements called the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can be damaging when present in relational interactions: (1) criticism; (2) defensiveness; (3) stonewalling (when the listener shuts down and withdraws from conversation); and (4) contempt. If you find that any of these elements are making their way into your political conversations, you may be doing harm to your relationship.

3. Try to find common ground

While it can seem like the two parties are worlds apart in their approaches to solving problems, most people have similar underlying goals for their lives (e.g. happiness and health). Working to understand what underlies political beliefs can help bring understanding and connection.

4. Know when to take a break

If a conversation is getting heated, and you’re worried that you see the “The Horsemen” in your interactions, it may be valuable to give yourself time to cool off. Simply let the other person know that you value your relationship with them and therefore would like to take a break from the political conversation.

5. Partake in election season self-care

During election season, the average person is consuming more negatively charged media than usual, which can have real consequences for one’s well-being. Make sure to take time to close the computer, turn off the TV and do the things that refuel your hope and optimism: Get outside, play with your kids, or connect over non-political conversation.

Stephanie Dalager is a graduate student in the Colorado State University Department of Human Development and Family Studies and a therapist for CSU’s Center for Family and Couple Therapy. CSU’s Center for Family and Couple Therapy is affiliated with the MFT Program and provides high-quality therapy services to families, couples, individuals, adolescents and children. The CFCT offers services to all members of the Larimer County community, as well as to students, faculty and staff on campus. For more information, see www.cfct.chhs.colostate.edu. The Department of Human Development and Family Studies is part of the College of Health and Human Sciences.